I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
