I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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