so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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