I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
