Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
