she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
