I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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