In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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