a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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