You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
