im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
