he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
