I puked a lego.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize