i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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