worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
