the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
