Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
