umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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