If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
