You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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