I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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