dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
