So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
