Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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