Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
