is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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