my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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