She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
