i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
