...so i touched it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
