i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
