Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
