Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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