Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
