summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
