He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You pole danced in your parka.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
