hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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