Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
