Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
