i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
not ubering you a puppy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize