yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
