I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize