ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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