I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
