we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
