Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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