Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
