We're facebook friends in real life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
