we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
