I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
