She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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