you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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