The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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