Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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