So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
