Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
